"Friends I Don't Have" is an intended reboot of the cinematic franchise. The basic assumption is that we need to get out of fixations such as the old actors and doing the same thing all over again. Of course the good parts will stay, but as every respected reboot, there will be changes, some for new blood and some for improving the canon. I don't know if i'll be able to write the complete fanfic, so this time, i'll write it down. Pictures of the characters, main points, victims lists and so on. Just in case.

Friends I Don't Have - The Wake

Plot and Setting

A year have passed since Maureen Prescott's coldblooded murder. The killers are still free and come back for a second killing spree. Turns out Maureen was only the opening shot... And Sidney, Neil and everyone in Woodsboro are the next targets.



Tatum Riley/Blondeface - The main antagonist and the character who'll replace Billy in every vile deed. Neil used to cheat on Maureen with her, but when he had enough and decided to man up and return to his wife, Tatum lost it completely. She recruited her boyfriend Stu, and both went to murder Maureen. The next main targets would be Neil and Sidney ("your father lied to my face, Sid. He said he love me. He took my love for granted, and now i'll take the thing he loves the most"). She enjoyed to see Sidney attacking Gale for the same reason the canon Jill and Beth love horror movies. Because she's a batshit sadist.

Body count: 4 (Casey Becker, Arthur Himbry, Billy Loomis and Stu Macher).

Stu Macher/Stupidface - The secondary antagonist who'll be practically the exact psychotic idiot from the canon. The only different thing about him is the way he'll die. Again, he had no motive. Unless "you're a genius, Tatum! Everyone dies but us. Every dies. But us. We're gonna carry on and plan the sequel. Cause let's face it, baby, this days you gotta have a sequel" indicates about any motive.

Body count: 4 (Maureen Prescott, Steve Omar, Kenny Jones and Neil Prescott).

The mistery man - A one-shot mysterious killer who'll come back in "Friends I Don't Have 2".

Body count: 1 (Mrs. Riley).

Detailed deaths

Maureen Prescott - gutted and raped by Stupidface. The rape part was Tatum's idea. She ordered Stupidface to do so.

Steve Omar - wrestled to the ground and got his neck broken after a serious fight by Stupidface. As Stu was half dead, he had to lick his wounds elsewhere after the fight.

Casey Becker - Strangled with a rope, stabbed in her chest and gutted by Blondeface.

Arthur Himbry - Stabbed multiple times after a serious fight and gutted by Blondeface.

Tatum's fake death - Just what I said. Tatum faked her death and used it to go unnoticed until the reveal.

Kenny Jones - Smashed into his news van and got his neck slashed by Stupidface. In his last moments, Kenny gave Sidney the keys for the van, and she was in such hurry to save everyone that she forgot to run over Stu.

Dewey's attempted murder - Blondeface was presumed deceased, and used it to almost kill her own brother.

Billy Loomis - Stabbed in the back and got his neck snapped by Blondeface. Tatum took his gun, shot Randy and then shot Sidney's leg.

Neil Prescott - He was found tied up, just like in the canon, except this time he got shot in the head by Stupidface. Tatum said "and then he kills you and shoot himself in the head", which Stu was quick to demonstrate.

Stu Macher - After Tatum stabbed Sidney for the second time and let her fall to the floor, she slashed her own arm to fool Stu into sense of security. But when he got excited and drooled like in the canon, she butchered him like Charlie butchered Olivia, minus the gutting.

Tatum Riley - Gale came into the house and engaged a gunfight with Tatum. They shot at each other, each one could get killed any moment, until Sidney came from the floor and stabbed Tatum in the back twice. Tatum turned around to shoot Sidney, but then Gale shot Tatum's back and leg. Sidney stabbed Tatum one more time, this time in her chest. Then, she asked Gale for her gun, and shot the already dead Tatum's head. "For the best friend i never had".

Mrs. Riley - Got slashed with a machete by the mystery man.

Key quotes

"if you want to get into my pants, you'll have to go through my heart first. You're going the wrong way". (Casey to her anonymous caller, AKA Tatum).

"It could easily be a woman. Considering this option should be everyone's basic instinct." (Tatum foreshadowing her true nature).

"This is the most brutal murder in the history of Woodsboro since... Don't look at me as if i'm my brother! You know what I meant." (Tatum to Sidney, pretending she's shocked from Casey and Steve's deaths).

"The killers might be the people you'd least expect. Maybe even your friend here". (Gale suspect Tatum, which piss Sidney off).

"Both of us did mistakes. I shouldn't have break your face, and you shouldn't have break my reputation. I can deal with you and eventually learn to respect you, but please stay away from Tatum". (Sidney to Gale after assaulting her for suspecting Tatum).

"Do you think she's saving herself for you? She doesn't, but I share your hope." (Neil to Randy after Sidney keeps her distance from Billy, referring his wish that his daughter could date someone he actually like. It's a meta joke, because Lance and Barber and Montana Jordan are playing a father and son in "Young Sheldon").

"You need love and I need information. Maybe we can sort it out." (Gale try to seduce Randy for information).

"We all get a little mad sometimes." (Tatum to Sidney after killing Billy).

"your father lied to my face, Sid. He said he love me. He took my love for granted, and now i'll take the thing he loves the most". (Tatum talks about her motive).

"Say hello to my brother." (Tatum mocking Gale during the shootout).

"For the best friend i never had." (Sidney's comment after killing Tatum).

Friends I don't Have - University Of Lies

Plot and Setting

A year have passed since the Woodsboro killing spree. Sidney is now is college, healing one day at a time with Randy and her new friends. However, a new killer throws her back to her dark days, and won't stop until Sidney will join her parents.



Scott Riley/Tigerface - The main antagonist and the first sane and remotely relatable killer in "Friends I Don't Have" franchise. Will be revealed as the mystery man from "The Wake". Unlike the canon Debbie Loomis, Scott never abandoned his daughter. Just was out of town at the time of the murder, and therefore have no part in Tatum's death. His motive ("you killed my daughter!") is simple and powerful.

Body count: 7 (Mrs. Riley, Felipe Estevan, Debbie Loomis, Randy Meeks, Dewey Riley, Ted Prince and Cotton Weary).

Ted Prince/Beerface - The secondary antagonist who'll be more realistic and menacing than Mickey. He have no crazy idea of becoming famous as a victim of cinema violence. He just want funding for his serious alcoholism.

Body count: 7 (Maureen Evans, Cici Cooper, Elizabeth Murphy, Officer Andrews, Officer Richards, Derek Feldman and Hallie McDaniel).

Detailed deaths

Mrs. Riley - Killed in "The Wake" by Tigerface, AKA her own husband. Her death is detailed in "The Wake" section.

Felipe Estevan - Stabbed with a hunting knife when he got out of his booth by Tigerface. By the time people saw Felipe's body, Scott was already far away.

Maureen Evans - Drugged and stabbed 4 times in the stomach while she was unconscious by Beerface. Unlike the canon Maureen, "University Of Lies"' Maureen will be too feisty to be assaulted when she's in full consciousness. Ted was stronger, but the effort that her death requires would've attracted an unwanted attention, and part of a successful kill is escaping after killing the victim.

Cici Cooper - Stabbed in the back three time, got her head smashed on the stairs and thrown from the balcony by Beerface.

Elizabeth Murphy - The tensed party was over, everyone left and purposely forgot the drunk Elizabeth behind. Elizabeth finished her third bottle and heard someone moving in the bushes. "Sidney? Is that you? Come out so I can kill you. Lois? Cici? I got it. You're angry with me. But come on! Are you going to kill me?". No one answers. She broke her bottle, ready to slash the killer. The killer charged out of the bushes. Elizabeth saw his relatively short frame and realized it's Ted. "Cici dumped you, so you decided to kill girls in the middle of the night? Well, now the night ends". Ted attacked. Both engaged a serious scuffle, where Ted ended up bleeding and Elizabeth was soaked with beer. Elizabeth threw her broken bottle to Ted's face, but missed. Ted lit a burning match and threw it on the alcohol-soaked Elizabeth. He drew his phone and filmed her while she was burning. For Ted, the multiple injuries Elizabeth inflicted him was worth is just to see her burn. She was the first character who realized Ted is Beerface, but one listened even when she screamed her lungs out.

Debbie Loomis - Debbie and Gale were talking a quiet place. Tigerface assaulted them. Gale got away, but Debbie was beheaded with the machete.

Randy Meeks - A lot like the canon version, except for the obvious changes caused by Tatum replacing Billy. Abducted into a van, stabbed at least 10 times, strangled, got his neck snapped and was beheaded with the machete for good measure by Tigerface.

Dewey Riley - Just like the canon scene where Debbie stabs Dewey in the back and smash his bloody victim at the glass, except this time Dewey dies for real at the hand of his own father. Gale escaped with her bare skin and was taken to a safe place by Miguel. Therefore, she won't be at the showdown.

Officer Andrews - His throat was slashed by Beerface.

Officer Richards - After his partner was murdered by Ted right in front of him, Officer Richards decided he had enough and attempted to run the killer over. Ted saw it coming and lured Richards to a construction site. Ted was ready for him, holding a metal pipe, and jumped on the front side of the car, spearing Richards' head upon the impact. Unlike the canon Mickey, Ted doesn't lose conscious.

Derek Feldman - Derek took the police gun and shot at Ted. It didn't work as well as Derek hoped, because Ted was drunk like a clinically depressed pirate, and therefore felt no significant pain. Sidney shouted "head, Derek! Shoot him in the head!", but Ted broke Derek's arm with his metal pipe before Derek could follow Sidney's instructions. Ted began strangling Derek and stabbed the daylight out of him, but lost his focus for a second, which enabled Sidney to throw him away from Derek by stealing his metal pipe. Ted was unconscious and Sidney called an ambulance, but it was too late for Derek. Ted stabbed him dozens of times and smashed his head with a metal pipe until Derek's brain was visible through his skull. Unknown to Sidney, the ambulance's driver was Tigerface, and therefore unintentionally revealed her current location to him.

Hallie McDaniel - Sidney found her tied up to a wooden cross, stripped to her underclothing, like the canon Derek was. Sidney rushed to untie her, until she fell to the ground after Ted shot her in the back. Ted decided to torment Sidney a little longer and mock-berated her about trusting her best friend. Sidney realized she won't do any good by charging at Ted at this very moment, not being able to save Hallie or herself either, and decided to play dead. Hallie and Ted were convinced that Sidney is dead, and Ted focused all of his attention to Hallie. He came closer, kissed her violently and stabbed her in the stomach for a long time, letting her blood and tears merge together into a big sad and frightening pool

Ted Prince - Scott crushed the door with a powerful kick and stormed into the dark theater. Sidney was on the ground, fooling Ted she's dead, and Scott gave Ted a sharp suspecting look. He realized Ted wanted to kill him all along and drew out his machete. Ted drew his gun and shot at Scott, but his bullets were no use. Scott blocked all of Ted's shots using his machete. Ted's gun was dry, and then Scott drew his. Unlike the canon Mickey, Ted only had to be killed once. 3 bullets to his torso did their charm.

Scott Riley - Sidney tried to pull the "isn't Ted supposed to be dead?" trick, except Ted wasn't as tuff as the canon Mickey. Scott knew it, and therefore never bothered to look behind him. He drew out his machete and stabbed Sidney in her side. He attempted to do it again, until Cotton braked into the already broken and shot a couple of bullets at Scott. "Ted is dead, but my revenge is alive" . Scott blocked Cotton's bullets, just like with Ted moments earlier, except this time Sidney guided Cotton to not wasting bullets. The pissed off Scott turned around for beheading Sidney. Cotton used the distraction to shot Scott in the back, and kept shooting until his gun was dry. Scott fell to the ground, and Sidney tried to take his machete to off with his head. Unfortunately for her, Scott her hand while she tried to do so, broke her index finger and sent her flying into a glass window. The tiger-man turned his attention to Cotton and charged toward him with a drawn and shining machete. When Scott got close enough, Cotton jumped on him against his better judgement and used his husky bare hands the best way he could. Both big combatants were heavily bruised, but Scott's machete was just more powerful than Cotton's powerful fists and kicks, and therefore Cotton bled faster. Scott smashed Cotton to the wall and attempted to stab Cotton, but before the final blow was struck, Sidney came back to the scene holding a fire axe. The handle stunned Scott for a couple of precious seconds, which enabled Cotton to crawl away. The axe's blade was blocked by the machete, and Scott and Sidney resumed their fight. The axe and the machete clashed, again and again. Scott took a step back, let Sidney swing the axe toward him. He kicked her soring hand, the one with the broken index finger, and forced her to drop the axe. A failed attempt to cut Sidney's head led Scott to pin her to the ground and break her other fingers. Conquering her unbearable pain, Sidney used her free hand to silently get a hold on her dropped axe. Scott was all invested at dislocating Sidney thumb. He saw the axe too late, when Sidney dislocated his eye with the handle. Her thumb was dislocated, but her fighting spirit was not, and neither did the axe's blade, which was dropped on Scott's hand. Scott n longer had any grip over the broken fingers. Sidney took her semi-broken hand out of Scott's grasp, tightened her grip on the axe with both hands and took a couple of steps backwards. Scott jumped on her from bellow, attempting to stab Sidney one more time. Sidney sent her axe down on Scott's head, screaming her soul out from pain and rage. Technically Scott was dead after the second axe hit to his head, but his hulking body was still crushing Sidney. The mortally wounded Cotton rushed to Sidney's aid and removed Scott's body of her.

Cotton Weary - The critically injured Cotton and Sidney ran to the exit as fast as their legs could carry them. They stopped on their tracks when Scott got up on his feet silently and threw his machete toward Sidney. He collapsed again, this time for real, and never lived to see that he missed Sidney and hit Cotton's lung instead. By the time the brave survivors of Scott's brutal assault came out of the theater and got on the ambulance, Cotton died in Sidney's arms. Cotton was gone, but Sidney made sure that the press won't ever let him to be forgotten.

Key quotes

"You wish it was ted". (Ted play dumb at the night he kill his own girlfriend).

"How do you know i'm just a baby-faced cop? Maybe I could suffocate my own grandfather with a pillow and you'll never know. Forgive me while I go oozing someplace else." (Dewey is upset with Gale's underestimation to his intellect. The part with the possible suffocation is a reference to "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom", where Rafe Spall played a homicidal psychopath who killed his old and sick boss).

"I'm a friend you do have, and i'll die before i'll let you down." (Hallie to Sidney, replacing Derek as the beloved one who suffers from Sidney's emotional scars and foreshadows her own murder).

"I love you, Randy. And if it's quite alright, I need you, baby. To be my movie star, show me your business. Oh baby, let me love you, oh baby" (Hallie declaring her love to Randy with "Can't Take My Eyes Of Off You" music).

"I don't know, Dewey. Tatum is someone only a mother can love, but her mother is dead :-(. I can't imagine who'll go in her way". (Sidney to Dewey, unaware that a psychopath who only a mother can love might be avenged not necessarily by the said mother).

"Our survival will be the death of someone else, so we should all get going before someone else will die". (Miguel to Gale, referring to the nature of slashers).

"Well, mister originality, tell me more about your decision to imitate two high school idiots. At least Tatum and Stu were more original. But be real. Stu was just a lapdog. He was such a pussy. And Tatum Riley? Tatum Riley?! What the fuck? Just a cat-looking Electra-repressed daddy's girl." (Randy's slightly altered famous death speech).

"Do you really want to trust your best friend, Sid? Don't you know history repeats itself?" (Ted revealing himself right before killing Hallie).

Sidney died that easily? Do you expect to buy it for a second? Conspiring against me with the psychopath who killed my daughter! Boy, you're completely out of your mind and out of your league." (Scott decides to kill Ted, realizing the latter wanted to kill him all along. Sidney and Ted weren't working together, but Scott was right about the rest).

"I don't care about your stupid parents, personal issues, Ted's alcoholism or your family's habit of ruining people's lives. I care about good old fashioned revenge. You killed my daughter!" (Scott talks about his motive).

"Randy talked poorly on Tatum and I got a little machete happy". (Scott confess he killed Randy).

"Ted is dead, but my revenge is alive." (Cotton saving Sidney and briefly mention the fact Tatum framed him at the death of his female close friend).

"Cotton is the real hero. I wish I could know him more deeply. People like Scott Riley are fading away. People like Cotton Weary are here to stay." (Sidney eulogize Cotton).

Friends I Don't Have - The Most Dangerous Movie

Friends I Don't Have - Going Fourth

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